The psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg was long plagued by memories of his early years. Disagreements with other young people and his Jewish background often led to him being ostracised. Not least the racial unrest in the USA, which he experienced at first hand, and the arguments with sometimes harsh words, made him question the cause of violence. In his opinion, the very derogatory and judgemental nature of the communication between the parties fuelled the disputes at least as much as the issue itself. He summarised these findings and possible solutions to this problem in his method of non-violent communication. The aim of this method is to improve conflict situations in all areas of life in society, including at home, in politics and at school, etc. Dr Rosenberg worked out four basic steps of communication:
Step 1: Observation
Firstly, tell the other person what is going on objectively. Describe the impressions you have at the moment. In this first phase, you should be as impartial as possible. Try to gather information, but do not interpret it.
Step 2: Feeling
Now recognise the feelings that the circumstance triggers in you. Tell the other person the feelings that are going through your mind. For example, are you depressed, angry, shocked or overwhelmed? Try to formulate as precisely as possible what has triggered an emotional reaction in you.
Step 3: Need
This step is particularly important if you want to make progress in a conflict situation. What needs do you have in view of the circumstances and your feelings? What needs to be changed so that you feel better? What do you need now?
Step 4: Request
Now add a request if you have formulated your need correctly. Ask the other person again to behave differently in the future, in a direct but friendly way. Emphasise the things that are most important to you in such situations.
The four stages of non-violent communication were summarised by Marshall B. Rosenberg himself as follows:
When I see A (observation 👀), I feel B (feeling ❤️) because I need C (need 😶). Therefore, I now ask D (request 🙏).
Негізгі бет Training session in Nonviolent Communication with Marshall B. Rosenberg
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