Hyper independence sometimes isn't a choice. Sometimes when you rely on people to assist you, they end up disappointing you. So, I'd rather do things myself. I don't have time for excuses, I don't have time for BS. My time is valuable. I can do bad all by myself. 2-17-2024(Sat)
@susiebear3316
7 ай бұрын
People are always trying to psycho Analyze something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Anything can make its way into the DSM manual. Enough is enough. Let people live the way that they want to live. We don't have to be hive minded. This is nothing more than another control mechanism, just like religion. The way schools are ran social credit scores in anything else that requires human beings to think as a collective.
@davidamitchell8157
7 ай бұрын
💯
@masixchell
6 ай бұрын
Yup
@catflon2388
7 ай бұрын
❤❤❤ To all fellow hyper independent people: hugs, positivity and love from a stranger...
@kayshawnsimmons5585
7 ай бұрын
💪🏾🥰💯
@dragonslayer616
7 ай бұрын
❤❤❤❤❤
@Dogscatsbikes
7 ай бұрын
I can hug myself thank you.
@meganmeal964
7 ай бұрын
Thank you❤
@am-harris7458
7 ай бұрын
Trying to reconnect and force relationships with abusers who don't take accountability is INSANE! Let the trauma bonds go!😏😒😏😒
@am-harris7458
7 ай бұрын
@daylovee you're welcome. ..happy healing!😇
@unicorn73212
7 ай бұрын
Agreed I actually left someone like this recently too I got fed up and I've warned people about his intent too but it's like there not understanding they always think women are making these stories up too and they keep saying how can i help you. I kept saying yeah you can have my ex committed or contact someone that can have him committed because he keeps calling my job and making threats to police stations too. They act like a man could never go postal after being dumped but some of them will because no is not in there vocabulary there's so many stories of women trying to leave abusive men but there idea of helping is to pray for you or if you tell them i know how you can help you can transfer me or stop.cutting my hours at work they look at you stupid even though they asked if they could help you.
@Spokentruths725
7 ай бұрын
Family included. Anyone can be dismissed
@am-harris7458
7 ай бұрын
@@unicorn73212 Good for you! Leaving is empowering! 👍🏾🙌🏾
@am-harris7458
7 ай бұрын
@@Spokentruths725 Yep!👍🏾
@BWTM
7 ай бұрын
I remember when I reacted negatively to someone offering to help me with something and they responded by asking me, “who hurt you?”. I chuckled and replied: Everyone 🤷🏾♀️
@susiebear3316
7 ай бұрын
Is crazy how they "ask" that in a callous joking way? When it's not even funny. These people do not have empathy if they are asking you loaded questions like that. Moreover, not everyone who's hyper independent has been hurt. I think people are more so uncomfortable with women who are hyper, independent as opposed to men who are hyper. Independent is a woman who thinks critically. In addition , being able to navigate on her own is a threat. Religion has worked very hard To subdue and chip away And replace a woman's autonomy with dependent programming.
@Spokentruths725
7 ай бұрын
How did you react negatively? I would love if i could get some help with no strings attached. Even family will act like they own you.
@FearfullyandWonderfullyMade.
7 ай бұрын
It stems from being let down over and over by those who claim to love you.
@valery5900
7 ай бұрын
I'd rather be hyper independent than dependent on anyone.
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
Honestly my luv, that is a defense mechanism and that is hurt and disappointment talking, but I totally get it because I have had to develop that same tough, independent exterior.
@canesugar911
7 ай бұрын
Why are defence mechanisms a bad thing?
@DiLavi
7 ай бұрын
@@canesugar911exactly?! are we supposed to be sitting ducks on a busy road?
@evergreenforestwitch
7 ай бұрын
@@LuvvMyBrownSkinthe threat of constant disappointment has not left so why shouldn't they defend against it?
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
@@evergreenforestwitch Because to live in a constant guarded state of fear of being hurt will block us from ever finding real fulfillment and stops us from truly, truly living. And I say "us" because I am right there with you, but as we begin to get a little older, living in a constant state of defensiveness and hyper Independence becomes extremely draining on our soul, our psyche and our body.
@am-harris7458
7 ай бұрын
Romantic partners cannot replace the parental love you never had! Learn to love and embrace your inner child and re-parent yourself! 👍🏾👊🏾🙌🏾💪🏾
@simplytherry777
7 ай бұрын
❤ love this yesss!
@kayshawnsimmons5585
7 ай бұрын
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🥰💪🏾
@beautyininsanity421
7 ай бұрын
YES YES YES
@OGK-1414
7 ай бұрын
This is great, but really doesn't matter, you still have no one. You still walk in the world and see other people having people, but you have no one. You can love yourself to pieces, but like the Paris lady said, who are you going on vacation with? You can go by yourself, but doing things alone is simply not fulfilling for some.
@OGK-1414
7 ай бұрын
It's not about the romantic partner, It's about having someone. Anyone that has your back and won't betray you. Knowing you can do that for yourself is useless if the goal is to not feel alone in the world.
@AlyceEvette
7 ай бұрын
IDK, I feel so much happier in my hyper independent solitude, I have an insatiable need to be in control of my own destiny.
@SynamonSugar
7 ай бұрын
Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. That’s how I feel about the world, people are everywhere but at the same time, there’s no one there.
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
@Synamonsugar. . . That is such an accurate metaphor. I felt that one.
@KayyKayy5000
7 ай бұрын
It might be a trauma response, but being able to depend on yourself and NOT ask anyone for anything is a great feeling. I can do bad all by myself 💯 EDIT: On the flip side, I am more willing to ask for help these days and assistance. It took me a while but I’m trying to find a happy balance between being “independent” and accepting help from people who offer.
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
@Kaykay - I commend you. That takes true self-reflection and courage. I'm working on it and hopefully it will feel less and less scary.
@KayyKayy5000
7 ай бұрын
@@LuvvMyBrownSkin thank you that means a lot ❤️
@BWTM
7 ай бұрын
16:42 Don’t crawl back to abusive parents and family. Find your healing elsewhere. You aren’t going to change them. Been there done that. 😢
@EveMe
7 ай бұрын
I literally just tried to fix it. They don't take accountability. And they feel as if I should be responsible for them when they are in need. I was told," you are always good,"and "the things you complain about are not that big"," You are crying over nothing, grow thicker skin". I'm so done, with involving them. And no longer being that shoulder, because my shoulders hurt.
@AquaticStarchild
7 ай бұрын
Absolutely correct. I'm so done being everyone's punching bag, responsible for everyone and everything. I'm done being made out to be some person that I'm not. I'm good on my own.
@BWTM
7 ай бұрын
Sending hugs knowing that walking away can be far healthier than sticking around because “they’re family”.
@naimamorgan6209
7 ай бұрын
I wonder how many hyper independent people are the eldest sibling?
@kayshawnsimmons5585
7 ай бұрын
Good question 🤔
@cheetobuzz
7 ай бұрын
Or only child. Treated as an adult and expected to act mature and responsible from a very early age.
@necabibi3558
7 ай бұрын
Or the only girl, with a mother who prefers boys
@helena3631
7 ай бұрын
I am hyper independent and I am the youngest
@ND-nx1nt
6 ай бұрын
👀 👁👁
@raynebow5289
7 ай бұрын
I’m a childhood trauma survivor. I learned through countless attempts to “mend” my relationship with family, that it’s not necessary to have a better relationship with them. Rather, it’s important to mend my relationship with myself. When I try to gain closure through those toxic relationships, that’s my inner child still begging to be seen, understood, and loved. In reality, what I really need is to forgive myself for blaming myself for all that happened in my formative years. It’s helpful to understand how my caretakers became the unchanging ppl they are *only* so I can no longer take how they treated me personally. That is where the real growth is. Don’t let these people convince you that being codependent will bring closure. It will only dig up old pain for the wrong reasons. ❤
@davidamitchell8157
7 ай бұрын
I agree 100%. No lies told. And let's also mention the family members that gossip and talk trash about you after you ask for help or have a moment of vulnerability. Or rub it in your face later smh 😒
@dragonslayer616
7 ай бұрын
The last guy made me cry. That was my story with my mom. I constantly tried to connect with her, only to realize that she never really wanted me. It's tough..😢
@propainaccessories
7 ай бұрын
I was a struggling single mom begging for help. I remember my mom, sil, mil, sidter, friends, etc told me to help myself. Many people reminded me i made those kids and it was my fault i was suffering. I remember that was the last tear i shed. I got myself into online school, got an amazing job, closed on my dream home for my kids with zero mortgage, own my car no debt, have my savings together, my kids are good and those same people who said they would never help me faced post covid inflation and I refuse to help them. I will never ever rely on another human being on this earth. I absolutely refuse to ever need another being for survival because they will watch you starve. Im also no contact and making a new network of si gle minded independent people. Its working wonders.
@sheenalee7602
7 ай бұрын
The blonde woman with the black jacket on hit the nail on the head. I couldn't have said it better myself.
@ineedhoez
7 ай бұрын
Hyper Independence is a trauma response. For those who grew up with neglectful or uninvolved parents. These are the traits that result: Avoiding Conflict/Conversation Emotional Repression or Disconnect Poor at Giving/Withholding Avoiding Empathy Entitlement (low level) Social Anxiety Patterns of anxiety/worry Irritation Lack Beliefs Repressed Needs Defectiveness Schema (feeling like you are broken) Emotional Distancing Instability or Inconsistency Rigidity Addiction Hyper-independence Emotional Neglect of Self or Others Controlling of Environment/ Space Lack of Self Expression Dismissive of others
@YourGuiltyConscience
7 ай бұрын
I like what the blond creator had to say - she hit the nail on the head!
@guardurcircle
7 ай бұрын
Sooooo, true. I was force to rely on myself. Thanks family. I gave up on dating due to many disappointments and seeing so many unhappy women in relationships/married. But I do have great loving children, that makes up for it.
@BWTM
7 ай бұрын
Same ❤
@attitudeproblem6462
7 ай бұрын
As a child, I knew that independence was the way you get to be on your own and not beholden to anyone else. Independent people call their own shots. I wanted to be on my own and call my own shots since age 9.
@marissa._
7 ай бұрын
I said this on the last video and I'm saying it again, there's no such thing as "hyper independence" or "overly independent" and ANYONE who believes and says otherwise is VERY narrow-minded! Being "hyper independent" *ISN'T* a bad thing! Being hyper independent is actually a GOOD thing! People are NOT in competition with other people for attention, they're in competition for someone's peace-of-mind, time, independence, freedom and self-reliance! And probably money too! And they're mad about it! Lol! 😂 They're in competition for the peace one feels when they are by themselves! Hell, they're in competition for the peace one feels when they're with their pets! • You have to prove why being with you is somehow "better" than being by myself! • You have to prove why being with you is somehow "better" than being with my dog/cat! Imagine a pet having superiority over a person and being mad about it and then being in competition with it! 🤦😂 People are so mad and sad about a person being independent (*which they're technically SUPPOSED to be! 🤦*) that in order to make themselves feel better, they have to talk down on and psychoanalyze independence and associate being independent with "trauma!"
@idontarguewithpeasants
7 ай бұрын
I can do bad by myself!
@kayshawnsimmons5585
7 ай бұрын
💯💯
@danec2572
7 ай бұрын
so, u fix ur broken car urself(if u car breaks down)? interesting
@PrayerOfMannesah
7 ай бұрын
@@danec2572 yes because they can go anywhere because they depend on themselves. You don’t understand what depend on yourself means it’s really actually just being an adult. You don’t fix your car yourself you guys are acting there around here like cars are like they were made in the 70s you have to go to a shop hyper independent women can afford to buy new car if something is totally wrong or they’ll get an old car or a bald one from a friend they don’t need you Not needing to depend on Love scammers jailbirds and riffraff doesn’t make hyper independent people evil actually if it wasn’t for them people that live in fantasy world were other people do all the work and they get the credit Whitten eventually wake up and hit their head on reality.
@Sunny-tc3ul
7 ай бұрын
@@danec2572see this is why education is important. She said, “ I can do bad by myself.” Meaning she doesn’t need help to bring her down. She can do it by herself. She doesn’t need a man to bring her down. She doesn’t need a woman to bring her down. She doesn’t need family to bring her down. aka drag her down. You know, crabs in a barrel, grabbing her by the ankle to keep her from elevating in life. That’s what that saying means. It’s even an old song about that: “I can do bad by myself, I don’t need no help to starve to death.” Look it up and listen to it.
@trb3074
7 ай бұрын
You can do good by yourself too.
@manjomanemhlongo649
6 ай бұрын
In addition to being let down, I also think hyper-independence can stem from being treated like a burden when you need help. You'll ask someone, "Can you please do this for me?" And their reply is always, "Ugh, fine." They do the thing but then proceed to complain about this being such an inconvenience for them. It just makes you want to be so self-sufficient that you don't have to ask anyone for anything because feeling like a burden for just needing help sucks.
@susannehuber3996
7 ай бұрын
I have to be hyper independent because no one gives shit about me.
@blessedtomeetyou1676
7 ай бұрын
sometimes you don't have a choice....even if you are a safe person people will harm you and even smear campaign you for being good to them...I've come to believe it is literally impossible to ask for help...I don't want to be hyper independent at all but people are never willing to help
@mjspyt7777
7 ай бұрын
Whew, lemme tell you the older I get the more I peel the layers of my childhood and figure out that it wasn't normal, it wasn't right, and now I have to unravel all these knots in order to not die alone LOL. I used to take so much pride in my independence like look at me out in the world doing stuff, I don't need anybody, it's just me, myself and I blah blah blah...then I wonder why I'm lonely...but in order to find people to trust you have to let your guard down and that's the scariest thing.
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
@mjspyt7777 - You are 💯 right. As you become older, doing everything on your own all the time and acting like you don't need anybody becomes really, really exhausting! It is better to be honest with ourselves, face the trauma head-on and work towards healing it before it manifests in other negative by the time we reach middle age, such as heart attacks, stroke, aneurysms etc.
@ashxpotatoes
7 ай бұрын
I feel like we should start a support group 😅
@ARS-fn6px
7 ай бұрын
This IS the support group 😂
@cruiseny26
7 ай бұрын
My mom said that to me too. I’m the eldest daughter growing up with a narcissistic father. My parents worked a lot and we were left with an adult aunt who basically had the cognitive development of a 10 year old. When my father was home, he was scary, emotionally unsafe and unreliable. I had to be hyper independent to survive childhood. My mom told me we never asked for anything when we were children and that she never had to worry about me. Now as a parent myself, I understand how crazy that statement is. How can a child not ask for anything? Unless the child was conditioned to be the parent.
@tobyfitzpatrick565
7 ай бұрын
This one went deep. I can relate. I felt my heart melting when your eyes started to get watery. Just because we are hyper independent doesn't mean we don't know loving warmth and care.
@ddk760
7 ай бұрын
I really relate to when you said that no one is checking on you... I have the same experience.. but I also know that I never shared more than the surface level.
@terry_eLLe
7 ай бұрын
I would like to add that it can also come from just not wanting to dump your issues onto others. Not because you can’t, or they won’t help you… but because you don’t want to burden them. The times when I needed temporary help financially, I just figured it out on my own because I didn’t want to ask the people I love for help knowing that they’re struggling themselves. But I still think the main reason people become hyper-independent is because they have constantly been let down.
@TinkOutLoud
6 ай бұрын
All I ever wanted to be as a kid was a “successful-independent adult.” I use to sit a daydream about it. LOL So, I don’t think my hyper independence stems from being let down (I guess). However,as an adult, for some reason, I think that anytime someone does something for me, or helps me in any type of way, that it is a transactional situation. And that I owe them something if I allow them to give me something or help me with anything. I would rather do everything by myself, so I don’t owe anyone anything. (And no one will be able to take my hard work away from me.) To add to that that ; I genuinely feel that there is a sense of pride in doing something yourself. It’s almost the same as learning something or accomplishing a goal for me. Just knowing that I can do something is a great feeling.
@necabibi3558
7 ай бұрын
I always felt I couldn't rely on my family, but at 17 I learnt that dealing with a desperate situation alone is hard, but dealing with a desperate situation while looking to my family for support could leave me either suicidal, self harming or dead. As an adult I don't ask for help or even accept offers of help. because I don't believe they're genuine offers, it makes me feel vulnerable and I know It'll end in disappointment with me feeling stupid. I literally cry if someone gives me a gift. A card, the smallest thing. Because I'm not used to people doing things for me. I'm just now realizing this is a trauma response.
@beaucarbary5619
6 ай бұрын
It took me decades to even partially unlearn the hyper independence I relied on since childhood. My parents provided for all of my physical needs but were completely emotionally unavailable, so I learned very early on to self-soothe and never expect any kind of help if I had a problem. That led to many years of being a lone wolf and not letting anyone close. In my mid-30s I came to the realization that I had to re-evaluate that approach. It's taken years, it's been hard, not all of the friendships panned out, and I did get my heart hurt along the way. But it didn't stop me from painstakingly building a found family. It's very small, but it's solid. It's possible to move past the trauma response, at least enough to find a few good people that will genuinely care about and support you.
@celestedemure9800
7 ай бұрын
12:50 He mentioned jobs. Most of the employers I’ve had mimic my family. I carry these patterns everywhere and I’ve spent a ton of time and money to start to unpack and heal from it
@marzemarcel9529
7 ай бұрын
I don't know to not be this way. I don't trust my family for stuff. I'm alone and I'm okay with it, its less frustrating than trying to simplt explain whats going on in my head and the people not understanding, or worse, thinking they're understanding but then don't actually do the things to show they understand. Yeah, I'm keeping my mental peace becasue everytime I try, I end up stressing more than anything. I definitely am not looking for a relationship.
@TKOin2life
6 ай бұрын
Trust and believe you are NOT alone with this. I and many more are like this also. ❤
@marzemarcel9529
7 ай бұрын
I am my person. Its just us😊
@user-xn1no3do2h
7 ай бұрын
The first woman in Paris has to be my bestie! Lol yes girl, I totally understand when you said you wanted a partner that just gets you. Its exhausting doing everything by yourself, but as a Scorpio, hell will freeze over before I let a man, know me know me. I don't trust anyone. My parents were so strict and said no to so many things, I missed important milestones in my life because I was too afraid to break the rules, or live in the chaos. I have a pretty boring life, but I love it. I laugh at men that say I will die alone with cats because one, I don't want pets because that is too much responsibility and it's expensive. And two, I plan on being cremated, so their opinions can fly in the wind that will take me to my Heaven. BTW, my Heaven will be amazing, with an orgy of hot man-angels!
@rizzybone964
7 ай бұрын
I was with a man who was hyper independent and unhealed. I tried being his person, but all he did was take his trauma (with his mom and exes) out on me and put his hands on me. He would say shady things and put me down because I had relatives I could turn to at times when I needed them most and he didn’t. Though I get the message, I don’t think I can be with someone like that again. At least if they’re unhealed.
@kalekyekaunda3988
7 ай бұрын
OMG I love your content BUT today I’m so grateful that you put this together. THANK YOU I lost my loving mom at 12, my dad was absent and toxic, I never fit in with my mom’s family at all - the one that feels close is my step sister. Unfortunately i had a baby with my malignant narc ex who is obviously incapable of being a dad and it always breaks my heart thinking my daughter will go through what I went through, always feeling like you are “others” never really fitting in. Yesterday I cried those deep soul cries for my daughter because I saw someone close to us treat her like others and that triggered my own wounds - long and short this white lady in Paris has articulated my heart’s desire that I didn’t even know I had or needed . Not just a marriage but a new home where my daughter and I won’t feel like “others”. Hug’s love s hugs for my hyper vigilants 😢🌿
@Spokentruths725
7 ай бұрын
Had this conversation the other day with a now ex. He was useless the entire relationship and would get mad when I dismissed his feelings. He dismissed mine everday and everytime he fell through on his words. Dont expect me to respect you. And they wonder why black women are angry.
@vonettawilson687
6 ай бұрын
The things expressed in this video are true for some people. There is a select group of us that genuinely like being alone but have friends, connections, and community. We do not desire a mate or having children. We like our lives with the freedom to choose freely what we want, without having to worry if our lives and choices hurt someone.
@gulgulgulgulgu
7 ай бұрын
"Honestly, I don't see you being in a relationship" I wonder why 😍😍🤭
@charnaeyoung9815
7 ай бұрын
You’re not alone. I cry when I talk about my hyper independence, too. Even in front of my therapist. And I’ve known my husband for 14 years, married for 7. The trauma never leaves. The feeling of being afraid to ask for help because it will be held against you in some way.
@777SO
7 ай бұрын
“Breaking generational curses”yes sis,we can show vulnerably that’s perfectly fine! After all we hyper independent people are human tho even if people around us have the tendency to forget it! Thank you for sharing your story,sending you much love😘
@a.c.4465
7 ай бұрын
Your vulnerability is beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us
@DestinyUteh
5 ай бұрын
Thank you so much! 🫶🫶🫶😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️
@Simpliyvonne
7 ай бұрын
The blonde lady in the parka hit the nail on the head !
@spookymachine
5 ай бұрын
❤😢oh mamas, I cried with you, my mom treats me the same way. We are strong women but we still need mom love and acknowledgement. She treats me different from my siblings, I always felt she didnt love me because she was so hard on me. It still hurts, painful memory, to do so much on your own. Id be the only one to reach out to see if my adult siblings are ok but they never check up on me😖💔
@ca6248
6 ай бұрын
I totally disagree with the guy in the black hat about trying to keep a relationship with your family (at a distance) despite the shit they put you through. That's terrible advice and it never leads to anywhere. Please let's stop giving bad advice and be realistic with the situation. You cannot heal with the people who hurt you and refuse to take accountability. End of story.
@celestedemure9800
7 ай бұрын
2:07 I will Google and watch KZitem to learn how to do everything I need, because I am so used to be let down asking friends or family, or screwed by paying someone
@soulfoodsmama2980
7 ай бұрын
Honestly I didn’t feel like you were rambling, I felt like I was listening to a friend. 🖤
@nobodyreally777
7 ай бұрын
Thank you ❤ my mother said I potty trained myself. Still H.I. because people are always doing things to let me down too.
@NovaPrincess
7 ай бұрын
I disagree with calling it a 'trauma response'. Why pathologize it? I call it an 'advantageous adaptation' to the environment. We human beings are animals after all. Maybe I'm just a glass half full kinda gal. Optimism and grit is another advantageous adaptation. I don't pathologize my logical and healthy responses to the environment. I bought my home by myself at 30. I love doing everything on my own. I am highly self sufficient. People wouldn't call that a 'trauma response' if I were a man. Black women get pathologized, but men with these traits get called 'kings', 'soldiers', and 'leaders'. Put some respect on my INDEPENDENCE as a WOMAN, two XX chromosomes and bleeds monthly. I am absolutely smashing the game. Watch me do it. Don't hate. ❤🎉🙏🏿💃🏿
@marissa._
7 ай бұрын
Thank you! The comment I was looking for! I HATE how people are tearing down independence! Why the hell, as an adult, do you want to be dependent on someone else?!?! That's not good or healthy! And I HATE the fact that they're phrasing independence as a "trauma response!" Like damn! Are we supposed to rely on others for EVERYTHING??? Are we not supposed to do anything for ourselves?!?! And why the does being independent have to be linked/associated with "trauma"??? Doing that is really detrimental and dangerous because it gives ACTUAL trauma a bad name! Its kinda like when a person takes a mental health issue and pretends to have it as if its some sort of personality trait when it's not! Don't get me wrong, I have severe trauma and I was severely abused and I was in a position where I HAD to be dependent on others when I NEVER WANTED TO, whom took advantage of me and abused me! I couldn't wait to be independent! Independence gave me freedom and self-reliability and self-sufficiency! I'd rather lose my life than be dependent on others! I'd rather lose my life than give up my independence and freedom! So yes, I agree with you WHOLEHEARTEDLY! I HATE how they pathologize independence! There's no such thing as "hyper independence" or "overly independent!" Being independent is what you're supposed to be!
@paperorpaper
7 ай бұрын
I agree. Our brain is a survival tool. Learning to rely on ourselves after several attempts to rely on someone else and being let down is learning and adaptation. Sounds smart to me!
@keniasharpe1610
7 ай бұрын
Crying is healing
@tatumuniversity_itsalovestory
6 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video you are a beautiful person may god continue to bless you. So my out look on this. Maybe US as hyper independent children become it’s root is from the dynamic of the TRAMA pain we experienced as a child and carried over into our adulthood so maybe we have a calling over our lives to help others or to change the narrative for someone else. God never allow you to go through something so hurtful without a testimony and plan to the outcome. So let’s heal together and use our strength that we over came this to help others
@susiebear3316
7 ай бұрын
Please, I hope this new generation will come up to be critical thinkers and not be followers.
@lynnmaxwell8032
7 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video/ topic I never realized that this was a real thing.
@PrayerOfMannesah
7 ай бұрын
There’s something else that I noticed about America and I want to see if I’m by myself but women who look exclusively mono racial in america have a hard time finding a partner.
@canesugar911
7 ай бұрын
Why?
@DiLavi
7 ай бұрын
Yup this is true at least “statistically” and if I ever decide to date, I will be open to other ethnicities…
@Bizzybeen003
7 ай бұрын
Much love to you!!❤❤❤
@ms.wilson6439
7 ай бұрын
And here I thought hyper independent folks were just known as Type A personalities.
@SEYIABI1
7 ай бұрын
Awww Destiny, big hugs to you. Big hugs to all the fellow hyper independent folks. Don't forget to let people who want to care for us, to care for us. Well as much as we can!
@DestinyUteh
7 ай бұрын
Sending you big hugs 🤗 ❤️🫶😘😘😘
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
@evergreen. . . . I'm not being flippant at all as I have the same struggles myself. I'm just willing to see it for what it is and admit that it is not a healthy state to continue to live in no matter how you try to slice it. I never implied that it was easy to change.
@mecyhoward305
7 ай бұрын
Great video!
@ashxpotatoes
7 ай бұрын
Sending you the biggest hug 🫂
@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022
7 ай бұрын
Viewing your own family as a solution is problematic especially for women because men tend to study women and the bad ones use what they learn against her. So she often ends up with a narcissist. And he mercilessly builds the damage for his purpose. The best thing to do is focus on friendships, let them take you as deep as they want and having many will increase the chances of having real ones.
@dugongsdoitbetter
7 ай бұрын
Just recently got a name for my life of being a "fuck up". CPTSD. This is me!!! Hyper independent, due to this I was single and celibate for 10 YEARS!! Because I didn't heal my trauma, I entered a 2 year relationship with a NARCISSIST!!! I have been trying to exit this relationship for 4 months!!! Let's name our shit and fix it.
@LuvvMyBrownSkin
7 ай бұрын
You're definitely not a f**** up CPTSD. If your parents / family failed you, then they are the f*** ups! Children don't make themselves and they don't ask to be born. It is a parent's duty and responsibility to nurture and guide the soul that they bring into this world. I truly believe that there are very severe consequences for parents who cripple the souls of their children.
@klaudinegarcia8932
19 күн бұрын
Hyper independance is a type of generational trauma.
@alisasanders3
7 ай бұрын
It is true though
@nolia920
7 ай бұрын
I feel attacked but im working on it 😔😔😔
@gurlwhowants2dj
7 ай бұрын
❤
@idreadFell365
6 ай бұрын
Or it’s just pride
@lacheinc
7 ай бұрын
Im sorry why is the Becky in the first clip even responding to this getting all smart and such?? "of fckin course it is" Like girl shut up! The OP was clearly speaking TO BLACK WOMEN regarding a cultural sense of hyper independence, however the blonde in the first clip somehow left this out and made it about her like many of them always seem to do. Also, I dont agree that we should seek unconditional love in romantic relationships. Most of them dont last and its unwise to predicate your sense of happiness or foundation of love in a romantic relationship because youre setting yourself up for dissappointment. What happens if you break up, lose the person, etc? We cant force people to be who we need them to be and too many women lose themselves in looking too hard for love when it should be something that flows if its to be found.
@desckUgah000
7 ай бұрын
@MelanieHamlett
@mariamigogichaishvili5573
6 ай бұрын
Hyper independence+ fairful avoidant attachment style is here 🫠🫠🫠
@ashleylatson4813
7 ай бұрын
22:00 Here is a hug 🫂 honey. I wanna be vulnerable, too, only to someone who isn't gonna abuse it.
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