I hope Thais knows how much she has helped people through her teaching. I'm so grateful for your channel 🙏
@salvomig2368
9 күн бұрын
Funny, I knew from the beginning she was an avoidant and was waiting for the pullback and self sabotage. She began saying how I’d be better with someone else. The fork in the road; do I reassure or joke about it. Opted to reassure and she deactivated lol. Eventually told her she needs space to sort things out and we can chat when she’s ready. For those of you dating or wanting to date an avoidant, keep it light and fun, focus on connection and not the relationship. Think of the every meeting as a first date. Be yourself and no pressure. Don’t lose yourself and realize not everyone is meant for this kinda relationship, so don’t force yourself into it.
@michaella5799
9 күн бұрын
Avoidant is basically an emotionless free prostitute.
@gatorssbm
9 күн бұрын
Id say you did the right thing by reassuring, its a bit hard for them to take in but what I do is to say to not worry about it we can always come back to it whenever especially if my partner tells me theyd rather not have a talk about their negative felings. That and I make it clear its best they dont avoid processing that because it might come out as anger or something else even offering space if needed. But yeah youre spot on about keeping it casual and fun, Ive noticed its made em consistent in actually wanting to show up and respect the few times where I need to take a day break.
@jaer.6540
7 күн бұрын
I mean....this sounds like "egg shell walking", which is no way to be in a relationship. You are constantly accommodating her while trying to do something that isnt necessarily natural to do, even if you are a "fun and light" person. Shes right, the only real solution to long term relationships with an avoidant is through proper communication and each person doing a bit of compromising and a bit of understanding, and a bit of boundary setup. Thats the only way to really have longevity in a relationship, especially if its a anxious trying to date an avoidant.
@taylorbee4010
7 күн бұрын
@@gatorssbmI wish I figured that out sooner
@IndianGymBro
7 күн бұрын
As a DA i could say space never helps. Space always breaks things for me. Space = Flaw finding over drive
@capet5593
9 күн бұрын
Avoidants should stay with each other. Don’t mess up the others
@iunnbrynveig3309
6 күн бұрын
I read in "Attached" that they rarely stay with one another because there isn't "glue" that we can see in avoidant-anxious relationship.
@infinitybassuk
9 күн бұрын
FA here ~ again! 😁 I did this recently. I wouldn't say my relationship with my partner was "great" ~ up one minute, and down the next. So, I decided to set some boundaries (in the context of their behaviour towards me, which lacked thought and consideration). This Included forgetting my birthday. And sure enough, they tripped up. I didn't get angry, confrontational or upset.. but I was really disappointed. I went no contact for around 8-weeks.. and now, I've cracked!! This time, no more 6th, 7th, 8th chances. There's a time limit, and they must put in some work. 2025 has to be an improvement. I deserve my peace.. 💛
@BurnerChannel-dt2mt
8 күн бұрын
Did you make contact?
@infinitybassuk
8 күн бұрын
@@BurnerChannel-dt2mt Yes ~ but they are in my absolutely last chance saloon. Obviously, there's work to do.. and I'm quite prepared to separate.
@BurnerChannel-dt2mt
7 күн бұрын
@@infinitybassuk its Ok. Roll the dice. Yesterday I went from getting stood up on I guess it would be called a grocery shopping date (of all things!) To my DA really coming over for three hours and spilling some emotional struggles. Just when you think you know it all you find out you dont. 🙏
@infinitybassuk
7 күн бұрын
@@BurnerChannel-dt2mt would you believe I've been with a DA for 23 year's - 21 married. We have three children. It's a long story.. 😔 You're with a DA too? It's really tough. ⚠️ I'd say it took me 15 year's before the reality kicked in that she's covertly Narcissistic. I've know I'm FA for 4 year's ~ and in recovery. If you're with a DA, and they're content with victimhood? and won't heal. Then.. deep down, we know we have to let go and move on. Because self care isn't selfish. 💛
@BurnerChannel-dt2mt
7 күн бұрын
@@infinitybassuk THAT is the rub. I am learning to appreciate the distance. Its made me understand that there are different ways to learn to like/love someone. I saw that my usual approach is to love bomb, create this fantasy relationship for a month. When the other person responds and moves closer I run and run fast. This is different. When we do have heart to heart talks its very comfortable, mature and based in reality. I’m not sure how this will turn out but goodness I feel so much healthier and in control of my own emotions and reactions.
@SaraX2024
9 күн бұрын
My best friend developed his dismissive avoidant attachment after his military service in Afghanistan. He's healing from PTSD now and other things in therapy. We always ever talk about "childhood wounds". Can you please make a video on other factors in our lives that can create an avoidant attachment style?
@sifublack192
9 күн бұрын
This is something I'd like to see more of as well. I lean avoidant, but that's because of life experience beyond childhood.
@zacpdx
9 күн бұрын
She won’t. Hardly any one does but it is absolutely obvious someone can develop attachment issues with bad relationships, life experiences and bottom line; not keeping their side of the street clean
@zaram131
8 күн бұрын
Amen! I agree!!
@alexleung842
8 күн бұрын
There's a little bit on this in the Polysecure book. Haven't seen any other material touch on non-childhood experiences leading to attachment impairment.
@SaraX2024
8 күн бұрын
@@alexleung842 there have been research papers on this. But you need to create a paid account to access them online. Especially with regards to military service and PTSD.
@FreshkidDori
3 күн бұрын
The problem is, when their need is to see you super rarely once a week or two; and you want to see them daily; when you can’t accept or understand their need it’s hard
@iamaliveyoucantstopnow
8 күн бұрын
I am sorry to say this- but Avoidants you really are not cut out for relationships, either work on healing your attachment trauma or don't have relationships. Avoidants cause SO much harm!!!!
@trainman2860
9 күн бұрын
Your KZitems are so amazing. I have a friend who is currently struggling with this. I now understand what she is going through.
@KD-hy3bi
Күн бұрын
Where this is a challenging concept to understand, if you are actively working on communication, actively communicating, trying to meet each other’s needs in a relationship it’s even more difficult from 2000 miles away.
@allalonehere5852
10 сағат бұрын
it is extremely frustrating! Mine is another country and the minute I said "I love him" he pulled back....cancelled our first date. I don't know what to do at this point...play along?
@KD-hy3bi
10 сағат бұрын
@@allalonehere5852 you’re so lucky you never had a date. This was our 3rd time around. And he did it again. Hurts so bad. But no we don’t play along with their behavior. We regain ourselves and know our worth. He told me one time when I was upset about the distance that he would rather me say “I need you in my life and I want you in my life“ instead of getting angry. So then I said those words and he darted out the door.
@gatorssbm
9 күн бұрын
While I am not a DA I heavily sympathize with that point that it couldve been decades since the last time they even had that same degree of vulnerability because for me it was almost a decade before I just started to forget what I even wanted anymore and while I never went full DA it did give me a lot of habits they do with being very hesitant to open up and that vulnerability awkwardly leaking out through fear once I finally do get attached. As hard as it is people like these need a lot of patience because I was at least shown that before I learned about this channel and could finally start making progress on actually feeling confident and attuned in myself again.
@kitty2doggyMeow
9 күн бұрын
Well we cannot force other people to be emotional towards us. To give us the emotional connection. That's the complicated thing. Not all parents are willing to give that and do not see the importance of the "emotional" connection.
@con-can571
7 күн бұрын
This is me totally. I have broken up with people because they were "too nice". Your channel is a foundational piece of my healing. Thank you for what you do.
@XGN
9 күн бұрын
This girl I've been talking to for several months I think is an avoidant. She recently opened up to me about her trust issues that she is working through in therapy. One of her friends randomly started following me and liking a bunch of my IG posts everyday since last week. This friend of hers works as a PT at my gym, has NEVER been friendly or talked to me in person, but now is following everything I do? It seems suspicious.🤔 I mentioned this to the girl I've been pursuing (who has been hot/cold with me for 2 months), she told me "she's really friendly, you should talk to her!" 🤔 So is she REALLY trying to pawn me off on her friend OR are they coordinating together to bait me to hit on the friend, as some kind of "test"? So many confusing games, so immature (they are 18-19 yrs olds).
@dougwardle1504
3 күн бұрын
I am very much done with my LDR DA. A week ago, I was asked how I am. I replied. No reply given & unsure when she ever read my message. After 7 days, all I get is another, "How are you?" Today, on her X account, I see she went & had her hair done. Posts a short video to show the public. Interested if I like it? Nope. She wants to show it to me? Nope. Only to 'fans' & strangers. I understand that a DA cares even in silence but I feel that is not true in this case. Even after explaining how I feel about certain actions or inaction, she shows how I feel doesn't matter. What bothers me just gets repeated.
@ba2cinema
9 күн бұрын
LEAVE AVOIDANTS ALONE! They will never change until they get YEARS of therapy. YEARS.
@jaer.6540
7 күн бұрын
proof? or just being defensive because one broke your heart?
@IndianGymBro
7 күн бұрын
Painful man. Why was i built this way
@Nika-je6zd
3 күн бұрын
True. Just had a chat with one these days - terribly broken mechanism, unfortunately. Fine as simple friend or family - but not good for any relationship, just unable to be in anything healthy.
@MarkLeach-jb6bn
Күн бұрын
Just a painful experience
@ba2cinema
19 сағат бұрын
@@jaer.6540ask anyone who's dated an avoidant. And yes one ruined my life.
@steveadamsthetangledparty4273
9 күн бұрын
I like your videos but I keep noticing that you talk more about DA's, which to me, doesn't necessarily coincide with the behavior of a FA or a disorganized style. If you could label your videos better, it would help people to find the puzzle pieces of their particular situation.
@chrislim7976
9 күн бұрын
Life is too short to waste time playing therapist on people that genuinely need professional help not relationships.
@johnkaiser6710
9 күн бұрын
What if their partner is also emotionally unavailable or toxic?
@sf808opalaman
7 күн бұрын
Avoidant 101. Fear Emotional Connection Fear Commitment Fear Conflict - no conflict management tools Fear Vulnerability No accountability (For DA/FA, after 'honeymoon' phase is over and it gets serious, they would rather LEAVE/RUN than work on relationship. But thats due to the unhealed childhood trauma)
@Eyedocsri
8 күн бұрын
The title should've added ... And what to do about it.
@crownedone200
7 күн бұрын
you can’t really do anything about it. they can only change themselves
@stewartbatchar6376
9 күн бұрын
When someone tells me that she is sick, do I have to reach out I just relay a message to the person who told me?
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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9 күн бұрын
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